Saturday, March 19, 2011

Around the Weirdos in 1 Go

Disclaimer - All the incidents are purely.. not fictitious, as a matter of fact everything's entirely real nigga!
This one is a sequel to my previous post which made you roll over - MORONS

It all started with this - In my college, a '101% dood' sitting in a Job Interview
Interviewer- "Show me project? have you done it yourself?"
101% Dood - "Yes Sir! Urself"

Somewhere in School -
These days err..not these days actually 'barso se' school people have been educating the students on Reproduction,STDs and ... (I think we should not divert).
On one fine day, one girl to another- "Quickly mam is gonna ask ques, temme what's the fullform of AIDS?" Other girl has no clue, just an idea that this is something mature, So here's her reply - "Ah I Did Sex" (AIDS).

Somewhere in Company-
I went back to my summer internship for one more time. And saw my so called love (mind you its not a crush!) who is an employee(female) over there, But it seems she's still busy with her Gay bf(crack crack sab... saccha pyaar tha bhai ka :|). But now here comes the punch - My good old moronic friend who's again doing his training in Korea sends me an instant message - "Dude! You know what.. we guys are so lucky to hail from India, We're known for our X-factor and 'mard'-ness!!..And So I just realized that am a hot property over here! little chinkis want me"(aargh!)

Somewhere in the college corridors -
On the other side our good old local paparazzi continues to click pictures of chicks sitting in the classrooms and market. Only this time he's much more efficient as he knows how to switch between the VGA and the megapixel mode(:P). High time for everyone else as they circulate his photography collection on LAN and keep Zooming into the faces of poor girls ..... Lame! (but yehi sach hai :D)
He also puts a watermark on all photos - "Papa Ji's Photography.All rights reserved"

Somewhere on the net -
Then there is '1 in a million' guy whose life is facebook, He's expert in fultoo commenting in all those pics that you people upload.
"ye ladki nahi banaras ka paan hai" - In a pic Where a girl is wearing a floral dress
"Uii Amma Uii Amma kya karta hai" - Where a Boy is with a girl
"mai admi hun ar admi se pyar karta hun" - Boy with a boy
"tan tana tan tan tan tada...chalti hai kya 9 se 12?" - Boy and Girl on a bike (koi bhi ladki chas jae ispe toh)
"pushpa tum aaj bhi wohi chick shampoo use karti hun" - Girl's Profile Picture
"lion...lion naam hai mera, tumne treat nahi di toh kutta ban gya" - Somebody's Bday Party pics
"madam ji sarkai lo khatiya jaada lage" - On A Random Pic (Paying tribute to govinda i think)
"u didnt birth today only but you world ka rakhwala also, mere bahadur chowkidaar....jaagte rahoooo" - Wishing Bday
"Don't fear am here....just kiss me there" - His Status update

Somewhere in the Examination Hall-
Our infamous parchi-wala continues to cheat away in his final year too. The only difference is, earlier he used farra and micros, Now he uses a 12 Mega-Pixel Camera!! Surprised ? Well you have to tame those 'haryanvi' invigilators with bottles of 'videshi daru' and few contacts from your cellphone of hot chicks in your college.
Whenever these invigilators meet him, they'll say - "Re bhai pika thik hai? manne bhi koi chhori whori patwa de"

Female Section -
Girls Girls Girls, altogether fall in a different category. Ever wondered how they comment or chat on facebook? Although they're flooded with pings but.... sometimes they'll stop by to send you a "heya","heyloz","hieez","helloww :)" (one can never understand)
For those of you who are experienced enough, you will reply back and take it over from there but then 'sweety sweety' people do exist - They'll reply back "hello" and wait for her....After 20 mins the girl says - "You idiot!, maine hello bol toh diya ab tumhara kaam h puchna ki mere kya hal hai and all to make me special"
And the way they say "byeeeeeee" makes you feel like "haye mai maari jawa"

Frustoo Section -
The first thing what they do is send a friend request , okay it's accepted now ? Wait for the green light to turn up in the chat box, Now what? Choose from some of these legendary dialogues
->"mujhe lagta tha tumme kafi atti hai :|" (and then girl is like kahan mai toh aisi hun '^_^')
->"You looked like a ghissu to me but ab toh wow yaar u roxxxx!"(rapidex course please!)
->"never knew ki I would get a chance to talk to you" (as if she's the next shehnaz hussain!)
What is the girl's reaction then? Here are the cases 1.Use and Throw Policy 2.Sentiyaap 3. Mere fans badh rhe hai(lamest)

P.S. Have you met one of those? Or is it just me who has had the privilege to know them. Anyways I simply love the world in this way.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

L.O.V.E. Files

Picture this...If you're pretty much straight, and those hormones still pump inside you, then you should proceed further(Regardless you're a girl or a boy).

Why do we chase the chicks after all? and how many of us have actually managed to stay away from running after chicks?(Without being gay). Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you some of the random files of LOVE or maybe crush?.

For guys:
>>Some of us choose not to talk (to the girl) and rather show off our skills by hitting shots/scoring goals against small street kids(bribing them - one lollipop each) while hoping that girl is like "Koi iss ladke se dosti karva do!" ... or showoff newly bought attire (hoping
girl to reach you and say " pinch!!!!!")

>>School crushes are really sweet, you dream about them, your frnz force you to express ur feelings but you won't,considering urself to be a true lover for the whole life until you see her playing "CHINKI",Pinki,Ponki with a facebook status that reads "In a realtionship with FUN SEE LEE"

>>Now considering my name is ApurvA , i get many friend requests from boys , showing their concern, chatting with me for long hours until I hit the point and spoil their dreams lol , even one of them said "Listen! don't tell me that, I already have a GF , I just wanted you to be my friend".

>>There are then 'Katai dooods!' on cyber space who deliver a top notch frustoo act (Bhukha kutta) but sadly sometimes their keyboard doesn't seem to support them. On of them while hitting on 134th girl asks her hobbies and blah , comes to the point by asking her when she's free "Err...Btw, What are your Shit timings?(shiFt timings!)....what the F?

>>There is a bunch of special guys who are fans of pyaar ishq aur mohhabat, they send sms'es to girls "i wanna frennz with you", dial their number, just to hear them speak .. "Hello!....Kon hai kamina @*%!#&? :D?".
They would chase their chameli/julie/pinky and her rickshaw with their bikes (having stickers - dil laga ke toh dekho sanam)
Their way of dressing, cycles according to the changing style of Himesh Reshammiyan in his movies, Although Ravi Kissen provides a solid backup when himesh is missing.

>> By any chance, If you happen to grab so called 'Piece' in a working condition which resembles human structure (Girlfriend I mean).... Even the ones who can only be called a 'girl' seeing that they fill their gender as female in their application forms. But then leaving all jokes apart, it's high time for the audience "Treat treat treat!" when the person is in front of you, when he goes off "Kya pata ke beth gya hai gadha par isse achi milti nahi yar isko"..."Treat treat treat!" when he comes back again.

For girls:
>>Every girl (even those who pay clandestine visit to 'mardana taakat dawakhana' ) grow up learning these lines - "He looks so gay", "He looks so serious", "He is a ghissu", "usne kabhi apne aap ko dekha hai", "Huh as if I care about him","Hatt! I think he's a homo" "Woh apne aap ko handsome samjhta hai kya?", "Oh cmmon gimme a break!","chii! uske sath ualh!" and one very fine day they are like "Sob!...Mujhe koi line kyu nai deta?"

>>Girl is the biggest enemy of a girl, One half of the 'best friends' comments about other's bf- "suna tha ki pyar andha hota hai par itna andha??" then again "If they ever plan to get married...I wonder how she'll introduce him to her parents?" and continues to lol,rofl,lmao and every other slang that's available in the chat market.

>>Some girls never get tired. You have to keep buzzing them for asking their relationship status - "Its in the process".Couple of days later "Yay Yay! I am fully fixed"(as if she's a machine or a spare part lol), But then "I broke up after a month, he was not my type u noe!"(He couldn't afford coffees @CCD , instead went for 'matka kulfis' at rehdiwala) and just after a week "Ohh yea! munni mai fir se fix hone wali hoon!", Ask her why she fumbles with her Bf's - "This is life yaar munni...enjoii!"

P.S. The last one is a guy who's cheerful , official clown of the class, makes people laugh as much as he can, and loves his friends/family rather than looking out for a gf or some other leisure. 'L'ost in his 'O'wn world but still 'V'alues 'E'veryone....L.O.V.E. :)

Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Also known as Jackass/Bawdibooch
Statutory Warning: Content of this article is not fictitious and it bears striking resemblance to incidences which have occurred in colleges.

College Starts>> Director's Speech, "waah! kya bat hai!"

After 1 week>> (Beginning of a new era?)... Thanks to your Worthy seniors who are teaching you some really exciting and mature words to add to your vocabulary (Who needs Word Power Made Easy now?).

After 1 Month>>(College Life seems pretty cool eh?)....Time to be a a man! (yeah!), You're now ready to participate in a very manly competition - To finish off maximum numbers of 'suttas'in minimum time...Whatever it takes..You fight it out and emerge victorious..although at the end of the fight , you lost control of your nervous system..What??.. Yes!, And have ended up having a leaking disaster(Mutravisarjan in pants), what they call 'pee'-ing your way to the glory.

After 2.5 Months (Mid-Sem Break)>> (So Good to be back at home).... You meet your neighbors and tell them what it takes to get into a college which has a national status, This "national" word does spin a wonder when all of a sudden, a moron pops up - "How Did you arrange that much?", "What 'that much'?","The Donation, they must have demanded really huge!", Now folks,I would rather not comment on that one!...'A National Donation'(Gimme a break!!)

After 2 years>> (Training Time? farzi certi de denge!) Okay, For those who go for quality vocational training and guess what?.... You (Me too) go 'fultoo frustoo' for those female employees(Happens when you roam outside NIT and realize that ladke and ladkiyan are different species :D ),You'll see them and
have fairy tale dreams about them but 'rahoge goonge hee' cause you are still a 'baby' for them (apne se badi ladkiyan sabko pasand ati hai).

After 1 week of Summer Training>>(Time to crush your crush!) You are quite happy in your vacation and training until you find out that the girl who topped your charts has a boyfriend there itself, but how?? he is so gay!!!!(That's what's I call Frustration Overload!)
Back at your Workstation-> While You are still crying, one of your moronic friend doing his training in korea sends you an instant message "These chinki pinki are constantly looking at me...yar ek bat to samjh lee, kahin bhi jao, foreigners kee har jagah value hoti hai".

End of Summer Vacations>> (Class over, Waiting for the next teacher to arrive) Suddenly, You discover there's one special category of morons too ...Is it?...Yea..who love to roam around in the corridors and capture snaps of the chicks sitting in the class, just because they're short of cellphone wallpapers, Ahoy! Its NITK's very own Paparazzi!

During Preparatory Leave>> One of your friend starts posting some status updates on facebook which reads "I love a naughty boy and he also loves me for that", "mai deewana hun kacchi kaliyo ka", "Any NITK Hottie for mr.naughty?", But the comments
that follow his updates are something like this "WTF?"

End Semesters>>(Ohh! Abhi toh sem shuru hua tha!) Some of us won't study at all and few of us are 'born-to-forget-everything-in-exam'(My case) , So we have to rely on'farra' or 'micro'(No option!) , Sometimes you carry bundles of micros but have no
clue at all about the subject and so you are bound to ask (making a face as if you need to go to the toilet immediately) "Please koi micro mei page no. bata do, Please jaldi !"

Hmmm....So, Next time you notice something weird, My suggestion would be ....... IGNORE IT! It's Normal :D
P.S. This article has already been published in CONVERSE - The unofficial magazine of NIT Kurukshetra, The only difference is here I've segmented the whole article and cropped a few points.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Shy and The Sizzler-- Part-II

I never found out that girl on orkut, she deleted her account may be, anyways good for me. Went again to delhi and this time with pals,
Arrived at Rajiv chowk metro station,We were roaming around Connought Place, my friends were busy watching chick'ens' standing outside KFC chicken spot.
Meanwhile I went to a book shop,And far away, I saw that same girl again, Call this coincidence or whatever but she was there.
I moved out and went after her without knowing anything, She boarded into a metro as expected, I played smart on my friends, left them and followed her. Wait!...How could I do that?..silly me!, Okay will look into this matter afterward.
I didn't knew where she had disappeared, So I started moving forward, inside the metro train,and at last i found her sitting...What? I found her?, What to do now?
Now.... once more, yeah! for one more time... the same situation kicks off ...'There you go again' her glance fell on me, But this time I had no ' Ipod ', Within a fraction of second she says 'Hi'

Me: Hi...Actually err.. i don't really know what to say, i mean..after all that..
She: Oye chill...Why do you always keep on fumbling dude...Konse college se ho?
Me: NITK..I think u must have not heard of ...
She: Ohh! NIT? But guys from dere aren't as faccha as u?
Me: (Dude! say something, I was thinking for a solid reply): You know guys pretty well it seems huh?
She: So, Mr.Ipod finally comes out of the box!

We were both laughing as the train stopped at the last destination which was Rithala. She was constantly chattering and I was just smiling, thinking of what to say. Suddenly someone comes up to her and she hugs her...Chal beta nikal le yahan se aa gya iska boyfriend. I was about to turn as she introduces me to him as Mr.IPOD...(what a messup), He starts laughing and then she says to me "Meet my friend Aman".

Now I don't think I need to tell you what my reaction was, do I? "Friend...Ohh! she said friend yes she said friend"...I was just saved from a very disasterous situation even though I wasn't hitting on her. Chalo...isko bye bye bolo aur nikalo . She says come let's go to adv. island Aman wants to visit as well.
Now i remembered "Oh Crap! My friends?" But it turned out they were too smart, They were following me and gathered around us in a few minutes.
After a breif intro. they knew what type of situation was created there...So inside adv. island, They kept Aman busy while Miss Sizzler was talking talking and talking to me without even knowing where his friend Aman was.. as if she never knew he was with us. Miss Sizzler talking and Mr. Shy or Mr.Ipod whatever you call me still thinking what's going on?

Climax- You will be knocked off when you'll hear the climax of this shy and sizzling tale, You have to ask me if you wanna know......There's a big twist!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Victory..... My Love


Hard work's a river
Oh! don't make me shiver
Enough's not enough
keep hitting .. am too tough

Folks I present to you all those results which every now and then made me utter...."ohh! fir kat gya!"

Rank:5 -- Event: Business Plan -- Fest: Phoenix '09
A judge comes up from the electrical department and awards the prize to an electrical product plan.. simple! He doesn't understands the concept, neither the demand. MOREOVER,he says "where are the references?, It's impossible that this idea came up directly into your mind without searching"... I must say WOW! It's impossible to create something on your own unless you search the net that's what he meant. Bullshit!
Result: Nothing....sigh!

Rank:4 -- Event: Techphoria-A working model contest -- Fest: Powerfest '08 (Jan)
This was the event when I was fooled for the first time in the college and then I got used to the situation.
The model worked all day long but in front of the judge it failed..Moreover judge says i don't want new concept and ideas, i need only circuits...What to say
Result: Nothing

Rank:3 -- Event: Electrovista- Electrical presentation -- Fest: Powerfest '08 (Nov)
Indeed a powerful performance at powerfest this time, everything rocked from presenting to answering the judges, concepts were brushed up and we were shining like stars, until one of the judges who has nothing to say suddenly pops up "You have copied this from somewhere" , Now what to say...
Result: Ready for something surprising now?...............Nothing (Disqualified) as if u xpected something else!

Rank:2 -- Event: Twisted Movie -- Fest: Confluence '08
A hilarious play....driving the audience wild , competitors jealous and mentors on their foot, Banned in the middle for so called 'Obscenity', Made me crazy enough to crack a chair. Giving blows to the final yea rites, But disappointment for everyone else.....alas!
Result: Disqualified

Rank:1 -- Event: Ace Ventura Bplan -- Fest: Literati '09
That's the one which is fresh and am disappointed big time because of this....This had to be mine, Unique idea, Incredible profit, Nice presentation, explaining the audience all the essence of the plan unlike some of the other boring presentations and monotonous ideas. Result comes up after 40 mins...what the hell were they doing after the judges gave them the score? Were they discussing the results to award their loved ones?
Result: Nothing.....Reason( as given by the mentor)- You were dramatic....huh! weird reason and i was again like.... OHH! FIR KAT GYA!

Did I commit a sin?
Why is it so that am still looking for a win?
I live for you, I stand for you....
Only you....Victory...My love!

Honorable mentions: Junkyard wars and Contraption- Literati '08 , Chaos on stage in Twisted movie- Conflu '09 , Certi chaos in Bplan- Surge '08

P.S. Apart from all this, Don't forget my ongoing struggle with pointers.... Hmm pretty much depressing but living to the extreme and still considered to be a good competition.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Into The Wild

It's all settled. the way it should
Everyone around seems so happy, You think life's good.
Deep down under boggling in the pool of thoughts
A voice reverberates, asking you "Have you hit all your shots?"

To the world's surprise am not happy and I don't want to be
For the gloom always sustaining near me, Life's a lock without any key.
The gasping audience are constrained to think "Is this the dilemma on screwing his GPA?"
I am afraid that's wrong! Okay so may be he's caught in the wrong branch?

This time they're close but still not close enough
Running alone in this career-hunt has always been so tough.
True, I chose to be what I am, For that lies a simple reason
I proved something which made my parents proud of their son.

All in these lazy days, The breeze seems so fine
Moment you see kids shouting MBA, Everything in your head goes out of the line.
There isn't any drama, There isn't any emotion
The monotonous life has rather remained restrained from motion.

I don't want to fight, I don't want to fly
Like every other freak, for a mere invention of 20th century I don't ever wish to cry.
All i want to do is zing out of this tacky web
Somewhere out of the box, Somewhere into the wild.

It's like finding solace, Unlocking your imagination
It's a dreamer's paradise, Where beauty scintillates beckoning fascination.
Drizzling the expression, Happiness redefines fashion
So long deluged in world's illusion, With eyes closed I saw my passion.

The attraction is fatal, Hopes are mild
All I want to do is run .... into the wild.
P.S. -> The invention of 20th century refers to - 'career' , in this poem.
This is dedicated to one in 100 engineering students who have the same situation as mine.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Shy and The Sizzler

So on this very fine day when I was standing at the Kashmere Gate Metro station waiting for the next train to arrive, For a moment suddenly it felt like an aura or something. In the next second that aura had disappeared. The train came by, With extra pressure I managed to get in.

Now to my surprise i finally found those streaks of the mysterious aura, It was from a girl. Now this makes me wonder that how many countless , finely tuned delhi chicks i have seen so far roaming around like robots, But why on earth, am I considering this girl to be real? She saw me and all of a sudden I started feeling jittery. "Oh Gosh!" I said while moving my eyeballs away from her in a hurry at some other place in train. Looks like she heard it.

Phew! that was close but Why am I shying? There's no reason to be, so what's going on ? She was all fine, sitting with those sandals matching her dress ,while I was standing and had my knees shaking . Man, I when saw her again, she was still staring at me. In a flash I started listening to my i-pod not even aware that which song was being played. I continued searching my play-list without even concentrating, I could figure out she was still looking at me. Maybe she would have figured that something was wrong with me. I have to tell you that in all these 4 years - from the day i bought my ipod - this was the day when I was giving it so much importance... lol!
The train did finally reached the destination, while i was still searching for 'some song'. She now had this grin on her face, She had caught me in the act of shying away like a brand new bride. The doors opened, Oxygen filled back into my lungs.

On halfway round I turned back while unplugging my headphones. Her glimpse fell again on me, Only this time I didn't shy away..Maybe because her bold impact pumped up some air in me.
She started laughing and so did I. Then she looked around and pointed to a name - *****, Went ahead and posed with a poster of deepika padukone besides her. I was a bit confused at this whole mime. Anyways, smiles all over as our eyes waved goodbye.

Few days later none other than Orkut helped me to search for her. I found her with same name with the same pic of deepika she posed. Now, this might solve this unsolved mystery but what happened still remains as history.
No prizes for guessing who was shy and who was sizzling all throughout. Pretty embarrassing for a guy but it had to be like this. But hey, keep waiting the story 's not yet over.....
Fast-forward >> No flirting for me pls. Respect the girl don't 'crush' her whenever you feel so. Datz it cya in 2nd part of da story :)